He didn't write 'The great pretender' for nothing. That song is my bra.

I'm tired of masking my face with this fake smile and this fake okayness, I'm tired of pretending. I live pretending, every single day, pretending I don't see, pretending I don't read, pretending I don't know, because even though I wish I didn't, I do, it's stucked to your face, that mild trace of happiness. 

I know you try to hide it from me, if I don't notice, I won't suffer. I know you don't want to hurt me, but the truth is, you hurt me everytime you don't tell, you hurt me everytime you lie, you hurt me everytime you try to appart me from it. It hurts because I know it. I hurt myself because I can't help not knowing. 

If I cry, it's because I can't hold the tears inside of me for one more second and they just shed, without my permission. I hate crying, and I hate crying even more when you see me, it makes me feel weak.

I know it and you still don't know me that well to realize I do. So I pretend. I pretend so that you can have your little pleasure of thinking I don't know and live your fake fairytale. I know everything you do, and I don't need to disrespect your privacy, your face is that gauzy, your lies are that obvious. 

I pretend because, even though my heart is dust, it's easier to hide the pain, it's easier not to tell you that you smash my love every minute you spend with her, or talk to her, it's easier for me that you don't know that I know. I believe it would't make a difference if you knew, your eyes would still be blinded.